7.06.2008
Women, As Explained by Science
Who Does What (According to the Bible)
Forwarded by Jennie Kiernan-Gustus.
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No , you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
The husband replies, "I can't believe that." He grabs the family Bible and puts it in front of her. "Show me," he demands.
So she opens the New Testament and showed him where, at the top of several pages, that it indeed says: "HEBREWS."
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No , you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
The husband replies, "I can't believe that." He grabs the family Bible and puts it in front of her. "Show me," he demands.
So she opens the New Testament and showed him where, at the top of several pages, that it indeed says: "HEBREWS."
Labels: arguments, Bible jokes, coffee, marriage jokes
The Silent Treatment
Forwarded by Jennie Kiernan-Gustus
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
As he went to sleep, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early-morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left his note where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper on his nightstand.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
As he went to sleep, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early-morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left his note where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper on his nightstand.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
Labels: arguments, marriage jokes, travel, waking up
Creation
You've seen this before, but it gets posted as a Jennie Kiernan-Gustus forward.
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
Labels: creation joke, God, marriage jokes, men and women
Words
Yes, Jennie Kiernan-Gustus again...
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men."
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
Just for the record, the premise of this joke is apparently wrong, even though it's one of those factoids everyone thinks is true.
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men."
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
Just for the record, the premise of this joke is apparently wrong, even though it's one of those factoids everyone thinks is true.
Labels: marriage jokes, men and women
Wife vs. Husband
More forwarded by Jennie Kiernan-Gustus
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "In-laws."
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "In-laws."
Labels: arguments, in-law joke, marriage jokes
Cigarettes and Tampons
More from Jennie Kiernan-Gustus
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
"My wife sent me for tampons," he answers.
She directs him to the correct aisle and turns back to the register.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
Confused, she says, "I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He answers, "Well, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers 'cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own... so does she."
[You might recognize this guy from a milk carton.]
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
"My wife sent me for tampons," he answers.
She directs him to the correct aisle and turns back to the register.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
Confused, she says, "I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He answers, "Well, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers 'cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own... so does she."
[You might recognize this guy from a milk carton.]
Labels: cigarette joke, feminine hygiene joke, marriage jokes, men and women
Marriage Seminar
Jennie Kiernan-Gustus strikes yet again...
While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, who was saying, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"
While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, who was saying, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"
Labels: counseling, marriage jokes, men and women, Pillsbury
Understanding Women (A Man's Perspective)
Jennie Kiernan-Gustus strikes again...
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
Labels: men and women
A Woman's Revenge
Forwarded by Jennie Kiernan-Gustus
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you alway s carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you alway s carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
Labels: marriage jokes, men and women, television
Womans' Perfect Breakfast
I worry about my cousin Jennie Kiernan-Gustus's husband...
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Labels: empowered women
