1.09.2013
Pulled Over
A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
"I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."
"Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup." "
Alright, we could get a blood sample." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die." "Fine then, just walk this white line." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm drunk."
"I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."
"Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup." "
Alright, we could get a blood sample." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die." "Fine then, just walk this white line." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm drunk."
via Steve Cohen and Carey Borth
Labels: asthma jokes, diabetic jokes, driving jokes, drunk jokes, hemophilia jokes, police jokes
Paying for Your Heart Attack
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.The store clerks
called 999 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency
open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the
Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard
loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to
pay for his treatment.
"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No money in the bank."
Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the
irritated nun.
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters!
Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."
via LoBro
Labels: heart attack jokes, hospital jokes, nun jokes, religious joke
