5.27.2012
THE LIE DETECTING ROBOT
A father buys a lie detecting robot that slaps a person when he lies.
The father decides to test it out on his son at supper.
"Where were you last night?"
"I was at the library."
The robot slaps the son.
"Okay, I was at a friend's house."
"Doing what?" asks the father.
"Watching a movie, 'Toy Story.'"
The robot slaps the son.
"Okay, it was porn!" cries the son.
The father yells, "What? When I was your age, I didn't know what porn was!"
The robot slaps the father.
The mother laughs and says, "He certainly is your son!"
The robot slaps the mother.
Source: John S
A father buys a lie detecting robot that slaps a person when he lies.
The father decides to test it out on his son at supper.
"Where were you last night?"
"I was at the library."
The robot slaps the son.
"Okay, I was at a friend's house."
"Doing what?" asks the father.
"Watching a movie, 'Toy Story.'"
The robot slaps the son.
"Okay, it was porn!" cries the son.
The father yells, "What? When I was your age, I didn't know what porn was!"
The robot slaps the father.
The mother laughs and says, "He certainly is your son!"
The robot slaps the mother.
Source: John S
Irish Alzheimer's
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine & I knew he came to church every Sunday . I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass & figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion & steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."
With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile & said;"After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell, eh ?"
Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery ' I remembered where I left me hat
Source: John S
.
A Pub in the UK
I was in a pub on Saturday night. Had a few drinks...
I noticed two very large women by the bar.
They both had strong accents, so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from
Scotland?"
One of them turned to me and screamed, "It's WALES, you IDIOT!!"
So, I immediately apologized, and said, "Sorry,.. Are you two whales from
Scotland?"
That's all I remember....
Source: John S
I was in a pub on Saturday night. Had a few drinks...
I noticed two very large women by the bar.
They both had strong accents, so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from
Scotland?"
One of them turned to me and screamed, "It's WALES, you IDIOT!!"
So, I immediately apologized, and said, "Sorry,.. Are you two whales from
Scotland?"
That's all I remember....
Source: John S
Labels: accent jokes, bar jokes, fat jokes, Scottish jokes, Welsh jokes
