2.11.2012
Jewish Jokes
Q: Why did Adam and Eve have a perfect marriage?
A: He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked
Q: What business is a yenta in?
A: Yours
Q: How do Jewish wives get their children ready for dinner?
A: They put them in the car
Q: What does a Jewish woman do to keep her hands soft and her nails long?
A: Nothing at all
Q: Define "genius"
A: An average student with a Jewish mother
Q: If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be?
A: A fur coat
Q: What mechanical device causes the most arousal in a Jewish woman?
A: A Mercedes 550SL convertible
Jewish proverb: "A Jewish wife will forgive and forget, but she'll never forget what she forgave."
One of life's mysteries - how a 2 Ib. box of chocolates can make a Jewish woman gain 5 lbs.
Another of life's mysteries is when a Jewish woman hangs something in her wardrobe for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
The trouble with some Jewish women is that they get all excited about nothing; then they marry him.
An old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room. As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar:
COLD BEER $2.00
HAMBURGER $2.25
CHEESEBURGER $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers. She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"
The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, "I was wondering, young lady," he whispers, "Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs: "Yes sir, I sure am!"
The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear says softly, "Well, wash your hands REAL good, cause I want a cheeseburger."
Source: Capt. Jeff Nimmo
Labels: dirty jokes, golf joke, restaurant jokes
