A Laugh A Minute

An old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room. As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER $2.00

HAMBURGER $2.25

CHEESEBURGER $2.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH $3.50

HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers. She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"

The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, "I was wondering, young lady," he whispers, "Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs: "Yes sir, I sure am!"

The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear says softly, "Well, wash your hands REAL good, cause I want a cheeseburger."

Source: Capt. Jeff Nimmo

Labels: dirty jokes, golf joke, restaurant jokes

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Mission Beach. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit. She pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lass a drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.

But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk F-8 fighter pilot slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Pour the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.

She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lass another drink?"

Once again, the same wiry pilot slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

Labels: bar jokes, dirty jokes, pilot jokes