1.08.2011
God and The Bronx
Via Giuseppe:
God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him resting on the seventh day.
He inquired, "Where have you been?"
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it… I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things.
God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"
"That's The Bronx, the most glorious place on earth. It is surrounded by rivers and an ocean, and has forests, hills, and plains. The people from The Bronx are going to be handsome and beautiful, modest, generous, compassionate, intelligent and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace and producers of good things."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance..."
God smiled, "Yes. Further south is Washington, DC. Wait till you see the idiots I put there."
God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him resting on the seventh day.
He inquired, "Where have you been?"
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it… I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things.
God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"
"That's The Bronx, the most glorious place on earth. It is surrounded by rivers and an ocean, and has forests, hills, and plains. The people from The Bronx are going to be handsome and beautiful, modest, generous, compassionate, intelligent and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace and producers of good things."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance..."
God smiled, "Yes. Further south is Washington, DC. Wait till you see the idiots I put there."
Labels: Bronx jokes, God, political jokes, St. Michael the Archangel, Washington DC jokes
4.05.2010
New Orleans Saints
From my pal Bruce:
For decades pundits have been saying that the New Orleans Saints were so bad at playing football that hell would freeze over before the Saints would ever win The Super Bowl.
On Sunday, February 7, 2010 The Saints won the Super Bowl.
On that same Sunday Washington D.C. was paralyzed under several feet of snow and the Government was shut down.
This, then, firmly establishes the exact geographical position of hell.
For decades pundits have been saying that the New Orleans Saints were so bad at playing football that hell would freeze over before the Saints would ever win The Super Bowl.
On Sunday, February 7, 2010 The Saints won the Super Bowl.
On that same Sunday Washington D.C. was paralyzed under several feet of snow and the Government was shut down.
This, then, firmly establishes the exact geographical position of hell.
Labels: football jokes, hell jokes, New Orleans Saints jokes, political jokes, Washington DC jokes, weather jokes
