A Laugh A Minute

Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police
station.
One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

A woman phoned her blonde neighbor a man and said:
"Close your curtains the next time you & your wife are having sex.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde man replied:
"Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the
shampoo?"
He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've
just wet mine."

A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."
The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."

A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

A blond man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

Via Brian Scott

Labels: blonde jokes, sex jokes

The Blonde and the Monkeys A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego ?" "Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?" "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck.. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble." "I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went. Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blond. "What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo." "Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, “but we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World." via cousin Joe

Labels: blonde jokes, breakdown joke, monkey jokes

HCB forwards again...

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I
have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde
says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and
shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her
and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup
of tea, and then ..."

He sighed...

"Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box..."

Labels: blonde jokes, boyfriend jokes. girlfriend jokes. jigsaw puzzle jokes

Surprisingly forwarded by former Republican candidate and divinity graduate whose identity will be withheld, just in case.

A blonde walks into her regular dry cleaner and drops off a blouse.

As she leaves the clerk says, "Come again," and the blonde says, "No, it's mustard this time."

Labels: blonde jokes, offensive jokes, sex jokes

Forwarded by Brian Lehrhoff

A blonde's car gets flat tire on the Interstate, so she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk; takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic.

The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't long before a police car arrived. The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?"

"My car broke down, officer, " says the woman calmly.

"Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?" asks the officer.

"Helllllooooo, those are my emergency flashers!"

Labels: blonde jokes, breakdown joke, car joke

Forwarded by Bruce Faber

Pretend you're blonde.

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo... just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

"Helllooooo? It's been a year!" I told him.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. Guess I won that stupid argument.

I bet he felt like an idiot.

Labels: blonde jokes, windows