10.27.2013
Lie Detector Robot
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some schoolwork." The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn."
Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.
Robot for sale.
via Giuseppe
Labels: family jokes, father and son jokes, mother jokes, robot jokes
9.02.2012
The Pregnant Jewish Girl
A 25-year-old Jewish girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period
for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a
pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting and crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to
you? I want to know!!!" Without answering, the girl picks up the phone
and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Mercedes stops in front of their
house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and wearing a
yarmulke steps out of the car and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and
tells them, "Your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry
her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will
pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
"Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath two retail furniture
stores, a deli, a condo in Miami , and a $1,000,000 bank account."
"If a boy is born, my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a
$25,000,000 bank account."
"However, if there is a miscarriage, I'm not sure what to do. What do
you suggest?"
All silent at this point, the mother placed a hand firmly on the man's
shoulder and tells him, "So, you'll try again."
via Cousin Joe
Labels: Jewish jokes, mother jokes, pregnancy joke, rich man jokes
