9.02.2012
The South
*Florida*
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new
Corvette convertible out
of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he
pushed it to 80 mph,
enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair
he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing
the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida
State Trooper, blue
lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to
100 mph, then 110,
then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm
too old for
this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his
vehicle and walked
up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then
said, "Sir, my shift
ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give
me a new reason
for speeding--a reason I've never before heard --
I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years
ago, my wife ran off
with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were
bringing her back.
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.
*Georgia *
*The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused
about **
*paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his
secretary for *
*some mathematical help.*
*
*He called her into his office and said, "Y'all
graduated from the University of Georgia and I need
some help. If I wuz to give **
*yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"*
***
*The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, **
*"Everthang but my earrings."**
*Louisiana*
*A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying
... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be
in Louisiana ."**
*
*When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in
Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20
years later than in the **
*rest of the world."**
*Mississippi*
*The young man from Mississippi came running into
the store **
*and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole
your *
*pickup truck from the parking lot!"*
***
*B**ubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"**
***
*The young man answered, **
*"I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."**
*North Carolina*
*A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off
on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a
bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one
behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.**
***
*A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and
was so **
*curious he turned around and went back. He asked the *
*fellow what the problem was.*
***
*The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."**
***
*The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"**
***
*The man responded, "When you break down they tell
you **
*to put flares in the front and flares in the back. *
*I never did understand it neither."**
*Tennessee*
*A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on
I-65. **
*The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"*
***
*The driver replied, "Bout whut?"*
*Texas*
*The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading
garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The
Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the
ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."*
*"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here,
'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "*
*****
*Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South,**
**but y'all never heard o' nobody **
*retirin' an' movin' North.**
=
via Brian L
Labels: bubba jokes, florida jokes, georgia jokes, louisiana jokes, mississippi jokes, north carolina jokes, police jokes, redneck jokes, secretary jokes, southerner jokes, tennessee jokes, Texas jokes
